In the article you will find out whether egoism is so bad, as many are accustomed to consider. When is egoism appropriate?
Selfishness: what is it, to be selfish is good or bad - examples of selfishness
The society has long held the view that the egoist is a very bad person. Moms and dads, grandparents from childhood raise children in the spirit - refuse yourself, but share with a friend. If a child is reluctant to live and act in the interests of others, he is generously rewarded with reproaching glances and instructive remarks about how bad he is.
As a result of growing up, a person accepts his fate and with the understanding that he is nobody. That being an egoist is bad.
Fortunately, not all parents do this, and not all children become anti-egoists. In modern society, you can find many who, in tribute to fashion, raise children on the principle that you are the best, and the rest are nobody. This practice is also in most cases not correct and may hurt the interests of other people.
Where can you find that middle ground when you can live for your own pleasure and not offend anyone. There is an opinion that one must learn to separate superegoism and rational egoism.
Important: Selfishness is a behavior in which a person puts his own interests above the interests of others. At the same time, on the way to the goal, a person offends the interests of other people, does not at all take into account the opinions of others.
Examples of selfishness:
- The egoist considers himself better than everyone else, period.
- The egoist knows only two opinions - his own and wrong.
- The egoist is indifferent to many, but he puts himself above all else.
- The egoist cannot enter the position of another person.
- He waits and is sure that they should give in to him, but he will not do it.
- In any of his actions he seeks profit or openly demands it.
- It goes ahead, despite the fact that it hurts others.
- It requires love and respect for its own person, while he himself cannot offer anything in return, and does not consider it necessary.
There is still a middle ground between superegoism and self-abasement. It is called healthy egoism.
Important: Healthy egoism is the ability to live your own interests, while not contradicting the interests of others. Behavior in which a person knows how to find a balance between his desires and the opinions of other people.
Examples of healthy selfishness:
- A person with a healthy sense of egoism pays paramount attention to his interests, while he understands that there is an opinion of other people and considers it.
- Not afraid to express his opinion, even when it does not coincide with the opinion of others.
- Respects the wishes of the partner, while not changing his principles.
- When choosing in favor of oneself, one does not suffer from guilty feelings later.
- Able to refuse if the offer does not suit him.
- He also knows how to accept refusal, having done so without offense, claims.
- Such a person is ready to compromise.
- Able to abandon what, in his opinion, can do harm.
Selfishness is neither good nor bad. Healthy egoism must be present in any of us. Condemning a person for being selfish is incorrect. The only thing is that not everyone can come to terms with the degree of manifestation of egoism in a particular person. If a person is over-selfish, this can negatively affect not only the people around him, but also his own life.
Many are used to mistakenly believing that being selfish is great. Such people go ahead, and all the doors in front of them open. In fact this is not true. It is great to be a rational or healthy egoist. Such a person can build his life in such a way as to maintain good relations with others and not live to the detriment of himself.
Retribution for superegoism is loneliness. People who are superegoists cannot build trusting relationships. Their acquaintances end with superficial communication, even close people can turn away sooner or later, because such behavior is socially unacceptable.Is egoism good or bad?
When you need and you can be selfish: 10 reasons for reasonable selfishness
Consider cases when rational egoism is not just appropriate, but necessary:
Many do not even imagine that work can be a joy. There are many people who do their job with pleasure, and all because at one time they found what they like. Do not stay in the company, company, if you do not like the job. Look for what you like and find. Here, of course, salary plays a decisive role, but you must set goals to get your dream job. After all, a huge part of our life is spent on work, we need to live it in pleasure, and not in eternal discontent and remorse.
Many are shy about asking for a paycheck. At a time when others ask and receive. Many are late at work and they are not paid extra for this. While others clearly state their position that their hours must be paid. If you do not see career and financial growth prospects, do not cling to this work, look for something new. Healthy egoism is to pursue your goals without prejudice to others. Don't you and your family deserve better? Enrich yourself, not your superiors, if you don’t see a valuable shot in you. It is important at the same time, to really assess your capabilities and contribution to the common cause.When do you need to be selfish?
Know how to say no
While others mutter something under their breath, others know how to say “no” if the situation is uncomfortable for them. Because of their inability to refuse, people lend, even if they did not want to. Because of the inability to refuse, people agree to work after school. Because of the inability to refuse, people fulfill the whims of relatives and friends who are contrary to their desires. Who suffers in the end? Only that person who simply could not say one simple and firm word "sorry, no!". In such situations, you need to be selfish, otherwise you run the risk of becoming a comfortable lifesaver for those who quickly understand that you can be manipulated and you cannot refuse.
There are people who do not bring you happiness, joy, benefit, while taking a lot of free time, can throw your problems on you and burden you with your requests. But at the same time, if you ask for something, they may refuse you. Many have a girlfriend who constantly calls, takes a lot of free time, and you cannot rely on her. And there are many such stories and examples.
Trying to get rid of unnecessary friendship can drag on for many years. Learn not to waste your time on dubious friendships, because instead you can make friends with a good person close to you in spirit. It is not necessary to abruptly interrupt communication in a rude manner, it is enough to make it clear and clear to a person that you have other concerns and you simply are not up to it. Of course, such a person will be offended, but this should not bother you. Do not even think to reproach yourself and feel guilty.
In the minds of many women there is an understanding that you are a woman, you are a mother, and you simply must, by all means, do the best for your family every day. Some household members do not reckon with the fact that mom is tired, that she also wants to relax and do her favorite things, instead of serving the family. At the weekend, a woman will clean, wash, cook, and households can watch TV and do their own business.
In this case, a woman is simply obliged to be a “selfish person”, let’s call it that, and attract all family members to help. Children can clean in their rooms, you need to teach help from childhood. The husband can vacuum or peel the potatoes. And then the whole family will spend the day off. If the household does not want to help, let them take care of themselves, mom should also have a day off.Examples of Healthy Selfishness
It is not uncommon when a husband and wife, not loving each other, live for many years in a marriage for the sake of children. People unloved by each other are deceiving themselves, trying to portray the illusion of happiness in marriage. It is easier for them to do so than to try to explain to the child that mom and dad will now live separately, but at the same time still love the child. Do not sacrifice yourself to fears, stereotypes and fears of responsibility for your life.
You need to take responsibility for your personal happiness, even if you are called an egoist, even if you are discouraged and convicted for having deprived a child of a full-fledged family. The best way to make a child happy is to show him this by example. The same goes for a career. You can often hear how the mother reproaches the child: "I quit my job because of you, and you ...", "I quit my job in order to spend all the time with the baby ..." and in that vein. Do not give up a career if you want to work and achieve career heights.
Go to the dream
Many are faced with this even on the verge of graduation from school. When parents choose a university instead of a child, not considering that he would like to enter another. This can be presented so cunningly that a person will believe that he himself made his choice. And only after a while he can understand that in his life he turned the wrong way. Over time, spouses, superiors and others can influence your choice. A rational egoist will understand in time that this is not his desire and will take the path to his dream, even if everyone dissuades him.
If you have a habit of apologizing for any reason since childhood, you need to correct it a little. If you stepped on a man’s foot in the subway, you need to apologize, of course. However, do not apologize for someone else if his inappropriate actions can be associated with you. Everyone should report for themselves, for someone else - no. For example, you went with a girlfriend to a cafe, she went over and started dancing on the tables. You should not apologize for her behavior, she is responsible for her actions. Refusal of excessive politeness concerns many areas of human relations.
In pursuit of the desire to give pleasure to a loved one, some forget about their pleasure. In addition, many women are worried about how they look, whether extra pounds are too noticeable, or whether their hair is funny. A healthy egoism should also be present during sex. Firstly, you should stop thinking about such things as appearance, an ugly tan, and the like trifles that are not important to your partner. Secondly, it is worth thinking about how to enjoy yourself and surrender to passion without second thoughts. Then your partner will be happy, not only you.
Remember the phrase "Do you want others to love you? Love yourself first yourself!". This phrase means that you need to learn to understand your desires and not deny yourself. For example, do you want that purse? Buy it for yourself. Instead of constantly remembering and regretting it later. This is a primitive example, but expresses the essence of the issue. A person who loves himself radiates happiness, he can give others good and good mood. With such a person is easy.Selfishness or self-love
On the way to healthy egoism, try not to become superegoists. Your egoism should be within reason and not run away into free swimming. The phrase from the Soviet cartoon "Love yourself, sneeze at all, and success awaits you in life" should not be taken literally. You don’t need to sneeze at all, but to learn to love yourself, to respect your personal space and to value your own time, is definitely worth it.